Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - September 2007

01/09/07  ||  Global Domination

Blood Red Throne: Come death

7/10

Lord K: For starters I wanna give a “fuck you” to staffers Ripper Bendix and Fishermane for being lazy cunts unable to send in this AA on time. They are now excluded from future editions. And now back to this shorter-than-ever version of Audio Autopsy. This is definitely a more than decent piece of death metal being released by the Norwegians of Blood Red Throne. They do absolutely nothing wrong with their shit but I can’t see myself moving them up to a personal fave, though it’ll definitely stay on my computer in the folder for music that is shockingly full of quality, brutality and some needed groove. And no, I don’t actually have a folder for that. 8

Syrrok: Just one of those bands that pounds you into oblivion. It just keeps coming through this whole album. Definitely nothing revolutionary or new here, but if you love the mess they made last time you’ll enjoy cleaning up this one. 6

Stephen Fallen: Blood Red Throne is supposedly the best thing to happen to death metal since sliced Christians, but I’m just not hearing it. Is “Come Death” good? Sure. Will it still be in my playlist a year from now? Not likely. 7

Hanging Limbs: The bass sounds like someone is bouncing a basketball off of a tire… and I love it. The Nile influence shines through, but these guys are writing stuff 1000x as interesting as those guys are these days. This will surely land a top 3 slot this month. 7

The Abscence: Riders of the plague

6.75 /10

Lord K: Pick up the Standard Formula For Metal Bands Of The New Millenium. These guys read it, learned it and practices it. With a small difference, they do it quite well. I actually find myself enjoying these fags a lot more than I thought I would. Nice guitar harmonies, decent amount of aggression and an overall likeable Year 2000 metal effort. Good work, guys. Arch Enemy would be proud. 7

Syrrok: Nice gallopy metal with some surprisingly catchy chorus action. There is also tasty guitarwork all over this album, which is to be noted and applauded with the offering of a chocolate dipped banana. These guys seem like they’re having fun. 5

Stephen Fallen: There’s an awful lot of Carcass’ “Heartwork” in this album, but there’s a lot of other things as well. “Riders of the Plague” is a really good album that might just grow on me as time goes by. As it stands though, I’m just going to listen to “World Divides” over and over. 7

Hanging Limbs: This is mandatory listening for anyone who wants to know how melodic death metal should sound in 2007. No metalcore here. These boys love metal and make it clear with every note they play. 8

Zonaria: Infamy and the breed

6.25 /10

Lord K: Their label spams each and every mailbox on the net and for that I already hated this band before even hearing them. Not a good start… Fuck you, Pivotal Rockordings. The band on the other hand isn’t all that shabby though they are not on par with how the label wants to portray them, then again – what band is (except for The Project Hate MCMXCIX)? Zonaria’s got a decent metal effort right here, but it won’t be coming around my flat all too often. 5

Syrrok: What AA would be complete without a coffin full of urns submittal? Oh so dreary and miserable, full of black and frowns. I’ve always been a fan of death metal guitar riffing and black metallish vocals coinciding. Like friends playing grab ass at the park enjoying Slurpee’s. A lot of the guitars are in excess on this release, but it means they’re trying. And no one tries anymore. 6

Stephen Fallen: I like the way “Infamy and the Breed” sounds. The production is thick and hazy, like the air on a humid August night. The songs are good melodic death in the Swedish style (Dark Tranquillity and Hypocrisy) and sound fairly fresh when coupled with that neato production. 7

Hanging Limbs: The band’s name sounds like it would be a staff member on GD. The music isn’t bad either, but that’s to be expected when the guys from Scar Symmetry are working with you. They helmed The Absence’s latest, which is a must-listen. This album isn’t as good, but its sound is refreshing and anything but generic melodic death metal. 7

Malevolent Creation: Doomsday X

6/10

Lord K: Long-running death metallers Malevolent Creation continues to fight for their spot in the death metal limelight. I think there’s a reason that they aren’t among the Big Ones. Their shit is fine, but pretty dull in the end. I think they have to settle with being in the second or third group of bands the average death metaller listens to. I know they are there for me. 5

Syrrok: Something about all of these veteran death metal bands bringin’ out one more decent release before their inevitable adventure into some artistic solo project. Malevolent brings some damn good, groovy death metal to a scene that is badly in need of some solid material in these ol’ US parts. If only Justin Timberlake brought them on tour. 6

Stephen Fallen: The death metal on “Doomsday X” is all right with me. I wouldn’t pay for it or anything, but I wouldn’t punch a dude for listening to in my presence either. 6

Hanging Limbs: It may not be barbecue, nor is it honey mustard. Hell, this ain’t even extra crispy, but I’ll be damned if I don’t enjoy this bucket of chicken. Generic be damned, these guys have found a nice comfort zone between being technical and being ye olde style sloppy. The not-too-dirty production seals the deal as an album I want to hear again. 7

Amoral: Reptile ride

5.5 /10

Lord K: This is the first encounter I have with the Finns, and as it turns out it might be the last. Amoral is just another one of all those quality metal bands with little-to-nothing to offer. You know, it’s all very well-played, the production is fine (though the drums are a bit irritating soundwise) and they do their best to be the next big thing, which will never happen due to the scene being way overcrowded with bands like this. It’s your standard, rocking metal band that leaves a “meh” as the lasting impression even after the first listen. But the tune “Pusher” grooves. 5

Syrrok: Some thrashy riffs with fairly standard singing. Hi Sanctity, may we follow your lead to the top of romp along thrash riffs devoid of any feeling? Sure, come aboard! Although “Reptile Ride” is the best album name I’ve heard since 1917. 4

Stephen Fallen: Technical death that is stepped in melody and it sounds great to me. “Reptile Ride” is… well it’s really good. “Nervasion” and “Mute” are fucking killer songs, and the rest of the album is mere steps behind. 8

Hanging Limbs: Hey Statik, how do you say “uninspired” in Finlandese? 5

Divine Heresy: Bleed the fifth

4.75 /10

Lord K: Why didn’t whale-man Dino name this project Divine Obesity? Funny times aside, these bastards have constructed a fine piece of metal with a drumsound Frank Trig(g) would be proud of. Dino’s typical riffing is here and while the music is pretty deathly at times, the screamy vocals take away some of the brutality, so do the clean guitar parts and not to mention the actual clean singing incorporated, which sounds like shit. Nonetheless a fine effort from Moby Dick and his friends. 7

Syrrok: I’m just worried about Dino’s health, ya know. He’s so eager to prove that he’s “so much harder than those pussies Fear Factory” that I’m afraid he’s going to fall over dead on top of his custom Xiphos. Divine Heresy is a good example of why scratch or tremolo picking alone doesn’t make good death metal. The drummer’s insane but there is nothing resembling any memorable tunes on this album. 3

Stephen Fallen: Okay, boys and girls, put your hands up if you want to hear Fear Factory melded with new American metalcore. Anyone? No? I thought not. 4

Hanging Limbs: This album is a metal reality show: Take a black singer, the great fat from Fear Factory, some dude who apparently was in Nile, and a nomadic drum trigger-for-hire, and you have yourself a Divine Heresy. Coming this Fall on Channel 7’s “Metalcore Mondays.” 5

Iced Earth: Framing armageddon

4.5 /10

Lord K: I never understood why quite some people actually like Iced Earth. I think I heard one tune at one time that passed for good and it’s not on this here album. All the ridiculous thunder and lightning intros in between songs destroys it all for me, as if the Cheese Metal wasn’t enough. Iced Earth is a fucken C-league band that’s got recognition without deserving it. 3

Syrrok: Here’s a band that I seriously have no idea why people like. Regardless of any proclamation of that Schaffer guy’s insane talents, Iced Earth’s tunes consistently fall flat. The songs are average at best, the tone is flat and treble-heavy, and to top it off I think 2 of them have mustaches. 4

Stephen Fallen: “Hello, this is Jon Schaffer from Iced Earth and we hope you’re enjoying your promotional copy of ‘Framing Armageddon‘”. I’m not enjoying it, but thanks for reminding me that I didn’t waste money on your mediocre album! 5

Hanging Limbs: Having completely written this band off since the disaster they call “Horror Show”, I never expected to like this, my first exposure to the band post-Matt Barlow. Ripper’s voice works really well alongside Dickhead’s signature riff style. Skip the stupid filler tracks and you have a decent metal album. 6

Ministry: The last sucker

4.5 /10

Lord K: One of the most uninteresting bands I know of. Never liked them, never will – but still they will sell shitloads of albums and maintain their respect within the scene. For reasons I’ll never understand. Ministry’s actually quite fucken bad. And they always were. 3

Syrrok: I respect bands like Ministry and Sentenced that know when to hang it up. Their last albums are hardly ever anything to write home to your parents about, but at least you can put a nice little bookend on their career. Ministry has probably influenced more bands than I’ll even know (or care to know), and there are parts of this album that point to that. I always mixed these guys up with Monster Magnet, another really great band (fart). 4

Stephen Fallen: Al Jourgensen still does industrial metal with passion and conviction, but after 25 years it seems to be wearing a little thin. Ministry albums all sound the same at this point, an issue that is especially glaring in the light of Jaz Coleman’s brilliant rejuvenation of Killing Joke. George Bush sucks, I get it Al. I’m not happy that “The Last Sucker” is (supposedly) the final Ministry album, but I’m not crying about it either. 6

Hanging Limbs: ‘Ole Al is back, even though he never really went away. Why do I get the feeling I’m talking to an empty room? 5

Korn: Untitled

4.25 /10

Lord K: Everything I need to say is already said in my review of this album. It’s nice to see them get some of their shit together again after the absolute disaster that was “See you on the other side”. 6

Syrrok: Has any band gone down the shitter faster than Korn? (No Metallica remarks, jerks). As usual with any current Korn release, the listener is treated to 2 or 3 cool sounding choruses (mainly attributable to studio magic all over Davis’ voice) and then a huge pile of downtuned barf. I really want this band to succeed for the sole reason that I just can’t bring myself to believe that Jesus Christ could possibly write a decent guitar riff. 4

Stephen Fallen: Korn is a 90’s leftover that started growing mould a long time ago. They are trying to evolve by adding NIN-style industrial elements, but they honestly aren’t that good at it. This may or may not be better than their last few, but it still sucks. 4

Hanging Limbs: Aaaaaaaaaaaare Yoooooooooooouuuuu REEEEEAAAAADYYYYY! Look, I’m gonna break it down for you. Everything about this album sucks. The vocals? Suck. The music? Sucks. Don’t worry about appearing like a close-minded metalhead. Korn blows – end of story. 3

At Vance: VII

4/10

Lord K: And in comes the cheese and power metal. Not exactly as awful as one would expect, mainly becoz I get Yngwie Malmsteen vibes from some of the arrangements. Yet At Vance turns out to be just another zit on the penis of metal, though this zit’s got a clear bass in their production. Actually, and I never thought I’d say this, but the bass is almost too loud. 3

Syrrok: At Vance’s place Speedos are the definitive wardrobe. At Vance’s place champagne flows from the crevices of any and all females. Also at Vance’s place you put up with dragon folklore dream metal. Vance needs to take a break. 4

Stephen Fallen: This power metal filtered through 80’s cock rock actually sounds okay and I have no idea why. It might be because its quality material, it might be because the rest of this month’s AA is so disappointing and it might be because At Vance’s vocalist actually sings like a man. It’s a mystery. 6

Hanging Limbs: The best thing these guys have going for them is that they’re not (Hed) Pe. 3

Obituary: Xecutioner’s return

4/10

Lord K: Obituary should have given up after “Cause of death”. The sure have the discography to prove this. “Xecutioner’s return” is a piece of shit-poor death metal with a terrible production and uninteresting crap songs thru and thru. That this band used to be a fave for me is something I’ll deny over and over. 3

Syrrok: Another month, another Obituary release. In the battle between the US veteran death metal bands in this month’s AA, Malevolent wins the day. However, Obituary isn’t far behind. The stuff is still soundin’ pretty tired though. You can only play shitholes in Florida for so long. 5

Stephen Fallen: Zzzzzzzzzz. 4

Hanging Limbs: What has 6 feet, 2 heads, and a hairy back? I don’t know, but I’d rather fuck it than listen to Obituary. 4

Otep: Ascension

2.75 /10

Lord K: If the cunt at the mic would learn how to cut down all of her bullshit things within the music of Otep, they would actually be quite good. I dig her voice and Otep´s got a serious amount of swinging brutality and decent groove when they are at their best. Unfortunately they are not at their best all too often. And the main problem remains: all these passages with nothing but this chicklet whispering, moaning, reading her “poetry” etc etc… Fuck that and you guys would be a hella lot better. Then again, Otep seems like a one-girl-show anyways. 5

Syrrok: Politically inspired nu-metal! No thanks! 2

Stephen Fallen: Holy fucking shit. 1

Hanging Limbs: After watching “The Big Lebowski” again, I think this album might actually be what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass. 3

Epica: The divine conspiracy

2.75 /10

Lord K: Wanna know how to become a terrible, terrible band? Listen to Epica and learn. The title track (the rest are not much better) is possibly one of the worst serious songs I have ever heard. I’m not even sure I can stand the whore’s vocals, and that, if anything, is proof for the shit here. She’s completely without emotion, prolly got fuck-ugly tits to boot and delivers very little to enjoy. Epica also have some of the weakest keyboard arrangements I have heard in a “symphonic” metal band. 3

Syrrok: There’s nothing like realizing that your metal is so boring that the only way to get noticed is to hire some operatic red-haired tart to throw herself on the front of your promos and albums. With this logic they might as well just hire 8 whores to blow the audience during gigs. 2

Stephen Fallen: It’s as if Epica found a list of things people consider epic sounding, then tried to write an album around it. “The Divine Conspiracy” is mechanical, stiff and boring. Epic things require perfect pacing and a certain indefinable flow. Epica has neither. 3

Hanging Limbs: Why do people make such a big deal about chicks in metal? So you can stare at them at a show? It’s not like they’d take a second glance at you, let alone a first one. Who the hell would go to an Epica show anyway? 3

Freedom Call: Dimensions

2.25 /10

Lord K: “Hello Mr. Evil”? I can’t bash this as much as it deserves without looking up new unknown words. Fortunately there are worse bands around, but not many, so they get a: 2.

Syrrok: What is it with all the wizardry, sorcery, and that bullshit in metal? Seriously, is that as far as we can push the boundaries of creative metal endeavors? How about the ancient Mayan or Aztec societies with all of their human sacrifice and blood rituals? That’s tough, right? It’s all just been done before and judging from this release, Freedom Call is fine with that. 3

Stephen Fallen: Power metal is usually either cheesy and fun or cheesy and embarrassing. This is like being caught masturbating… to granny-tranny porn, live on national TV. 2

Hanging Limbs: If you ever feel insecure in your manhood, just listen to the voiceovers on “Mr. Evil”. You might still have a tiny pecker, but at least you can feel at home with this fairy shit. 2

(hed)p.e: Insomnia

2/10

Lord K: I want this band to be tea-bagged by an army of goats. After that event I personally want to line them all up in front of a wall and shoot each and everyone of them. Twice. This is nothing but completely embarrassing “metal”/hip hop and why they even get to release albums will forever remain a mystery. On top of the tea-bagging and execution, I also want each and everyone who claim they are a fan of this shit band to be severely battered, and then killed with a blunt object. 1

Syrrok: There is nothing pleasant to say about this release so let’s just focus on something else. 2

Stephen Fallen: The tracks on “Insomnia” rotate between crappy punk, crappy nu-metal and crappy hip-hop. It’s like a fan where the blades are made of crap, a concept as unpleasant as it sounds. 3

Hanging Limbs: If I never do another AA, know it was because of this album. 2